mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
