you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
did i just pee glitter
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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