i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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