I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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