and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
