and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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