If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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