there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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