I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
