he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
