i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
