He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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