i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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