And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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