He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
