dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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