Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
