Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
