We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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