well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
