We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
