Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
