there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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