I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
They took my balls.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
