There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
