Screwed.edu
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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