Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
