I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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