So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
