Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
