Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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