glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
