false alarm. still invincible.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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