Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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