YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
