this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
