after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
