I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
