I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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