May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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