Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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