So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
