Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
