did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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