Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
