Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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