I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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