You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I died a long time ago.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
