so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
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Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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