i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
