his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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