would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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