I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
