Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
