you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
