If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
