When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
