dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
