i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize