whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
