wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
