Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
