the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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