I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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