he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My ass is underappreciated
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Come on in and take your pants off
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