She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
