So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
