You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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