He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
