The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
