He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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