her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We left an ass print on the piano.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
