thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
