I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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