Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
